My son is old enough to have some eagerness to watch the NDP fireworks. Also because he has watched it a couple of times. No, he is not old, only 2+, but we have watched it from far during the many past NDP rehearsals in the last few weeks.
Yet, today, the actual NDP day, he was sleeping during the fireworks display. My dad wanted to wake him up to watch, but I said no need. Because
Showing posts with label parent. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parent. Show all posts
Monday, August 9, 2010
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
How can it be that easy, to abandon babies?
Just learnt about a the shelter for babies in Singapore, Sanctuary House, which was set up since 2005 in this news. Their "business" has grown, sadly.
Not that I don't pity these abandoned babies, but adopting them is not the way.
Ideally, the parents must ... still be fully, or as much as they could to be responsible for them. Yes, the abandoned ones should be taken care of, but I think it is very unwise to directly or indirectly excuse their parents of their responsibilities.
Shouldn't it be considered a crime for one to not want to raise his/her children? Thus, they should be tracked down, and made to be responsible as much as possible. Similar to bankruptcy, but more than it, at the very minimal, a portion of their income/assets must be given to the child indefinitely.
In addition, since a child is related by lineage to his family members and relatives, as long as can track down any of them, they also be somehow made to bare the financial burden. The objective here is not so much as to reduce number of abandoned, but to make everyone aware of the consequence of irresponsible (aka extra-marrital) sex.
The above is really at the bare minimum because financial is just one of the many aspects in raising up children.
Thus, think about it, at present the society/nation/community is baring the burden, i.e. all of us are bearing such increasing burden. If people are concern enough to tell people off because they let kids step on MRT seats, then shouldn't we be more concern to scold [young] people who gets too intimate, regardless in public or in private.
Not that I don't pity these abandoned babies, but adopting them is not the way.
Ideally, the parents must ... still be fully, or as much as they could to be responsible for them. Yes, the abandoned ones should be taken care of, but I think it is very unwise to directly or indirectly excuse their parents of their responsibilities.
Shouldn't it be considered a crime for one to not want to raise his/her children? Thus, they should be tracked down, and made to be responsible as much as possible. Similar to bankruptcy, but more than it, at the very minimal, a portion of their income/assets must be given to the child indefinitely.
In addition, since a child is related by lineage to his family members and relatives, as long as can track down any of them, they also be somehow made to bare the financial burden. The objective here is not so much as to reduce number of abandoned, but to make everyone aware of the consequence of irresponsible (aka extra-marrital) sex.
The above is really at the bare minimum because financial is just one of the many aspects in raising up children.
Thus, think about it, at present the society/nation/community is baring the burden, i.e. all of us are bearing such increasing burden. If people are concern enough to tell people off because they let kids step on MRT seats, then shouldn't we be more concern to scold [young] people who gets too intimate, regardless in public or in private.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Finding safe products for mother to be
Do you find it difficult to find suitable products for pregnant women? Most products that are not targeted at pregnant women typically advise against being used by pregnant women. Why is this so? I have a guess ... .
In this era of evidence-based medicine, the need for evidence is a necessity. Researchers conduct scientific studies to gather data and hopefully can arrive at statistically significant results. When a product is not targeted at pregnant women, they would not want to take extra risk to test it on pregnant women. Therefore, no data, so there is no evidence. It is also quite difficult to get pregnant women to volunteer to be their "guinea pig".
Beaute de Maman aims to provide health & beauty products that have been extensively studied and evaluated, allergy and obstetrician tested.
Furthermore, in order to ensure the safety of both mother-to-be and fetus, Beaute de Maman utilizes only natural and herbal ingredients, and develop products by a board-certified obstetrician to treat problems specifically related to the physiological and hormonal changes experienced by women during pregnancy.
They are offering free shipping with $25 purchase on domestic orders. You may
order now online.
I feel the need to mention that, I did not use it (obviously!), and neither did my wife.
In this era of evidence-based medicine, the need for evidence is a necessity. Researchers conduct scientific studies to gather data and hopefully can arrive at statistically significant results. When a product is not targeted at pregnant women, they would not want to take extra risk to test it on pregnant women. Therefore, no data, so there is no evidence. It is also quite difficult to get pregnant women to volunteer to be their "guinea pig".
Beaute de Maman aims to provide health & beauty products that have been extensively studied and evaluated, allergy and obstetrician tested.
Furthermore, in order to ensure the safety of both mother-to-be and fetus, Beaute de Maman utilizes only natural and herbal ingredients, and develop products by a board-certified obstetrician to treat problems specifically related to the physiological and hormonal changes experienced by women during pregnancy.
They are offering free shipping with $25 purchase on domestic orders. You may
order now online.
I feel the need to mention that, I did not use it (obviously!), and neither did my wife.
Monday, December 29, 2008
I miss Singapore
Recently, when I am out on the streets, in the malls, or at East Coast Park, the feeling keeps coming to me. I miss Singapore. No, I am not overseas. I miss Singapore in Singapore ... .
Once, in a food court, the drink stall staff didn't speak like a local. People at tables besides me were speaking in either non-local languages, or non-local slang.
On the street 9 out of 10 who spoke in Chinese were not in the familiar Chinese that I speak, unless some times when I am speaking to my friends from mainland China.
Another time, early morning at East Coast Park, there was a Muslim family at a quiet beach. I can't say for sure that their official nationality(ies), but they are not Malays. The man fair skin suggests Caucasian, so does the daughter's blond hair. Although can't see much of the woman, who was in traditional Muslim attire, in such attire at the beach suggests she is not the typical local Muslim lady.
I also saw a maid, an Indonesian I guess, helping to do BBQ. Her lady boss, was sitting at the table, in a dress and wearing a high heel. The man boss was following their son, who has just learned blading, on a tandem bicycle. The man was in shirt, pants, and leather shoes.
Actually, in East Coast Park, Toa Payoh Town Garden, and I believe also in many other parks in Singapore, if we only consider families, it seems that majority of the families are not Singaporeans or the typical Singapore families.
I bet there is no way to get rid of this feeling of missing Singapore.
Once, in a food court, the drink stall staff didn't speak like a local. People at tables besides me were speaking in either non-local languages, or non-local slang.
On the street 9 out of 10 who spoke in Chinese were not in the familiar Chinese that I speak, unless some times when I am speaking to my friends from mainland China.
Another time, early morning at East Coast Park, there was a Muslim family at a quiet beach. I can't say for sure that their official nationality(ies), but they are not Malays. The man fair skin suggests Caucasian, so does the daughter's blond hair. Although can't see much of the woman, who was in traditional Muslim attire, in such attire at the beach suggests she is not the typical local Muslim lady.
I also saw a maid, an Indonesian I guess, helping to do BBQ. Her lady boss, was sitting at the table, in a dress and wearing a high heel. The man boss was following their son, who has just learned blading, on a tandem bicycle. The man was in shirt, pants, and leather shoes.
Actually, in East Coast Park, Toa Payoh Town Garden, and I believe also in many other parks in Singapore, if we only consider families, it seems that majority of the families are not Singaporeans or the typical Singapore families.
I bet there is no way to get rid of this feeling of missing Singapore.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Close interval multiple thresholds system
We are in a digital age, and ironically, digital advancements allow less digital systems with multiple thresholds at close intervals.
A good example is the gradual increase and decrease of the ERP charges, instead of just one threshold timing that separates two periods of with and without ERP charges initially. Another not so direct example is some telcos charge by the seconds instead of minutes. These would not have been possible if done manually.
Sadly, that's about all I know about such systems. Here, I just mention one area where close intervals multiple threshold should be implemented: ... incentives cut off date, especially when the incentives are high.
E.g. before or after 17 Aug 2008 borned 1st and 5th child meant a difference in maximum matching government contribution of S$6000 and S$18000, respectively! Thus, a minute different of recorded birth between 16 Aug 2008 2359hr and 17 Aug 2008 0000hr makes a big difference.
I would like suggest a gradual increase by an amount small enough that virtually no pain would be felt, over a period of 1 or 2 months is much better. E.g. $5 increment over a period of 30 days. Thus, it will require 6000/5=1200 increments, for the case of the 1st child in the example above. This means 30/1200 = 0.025 days or 30*24/1200 = 0.6 hours or at 36 minutes interval.
A good example is the gradual increase and decrease of the ERP charges, instead of just one threshold timing that separates two periods of with and without ERP charges initially. Another not so direct example is some telcos charge by the seconds instead of minutes. These would not have been possible if done manually.
Sadly, that's about all I know about such systems. Here, I just mention one area where close intervals multiple threshold should be implemented: ... incentives cut off date, especially when the incentives are high.
E.g. before or after 17 Aug 2008 borned 1st and 5th child meant a difference in maximum matching government contribution of S$6000 and S$18000, respectively! Thus, a minute different of recorded birth between 16 Aug 2008 2359hr and 17 Aug 2008 0000hr makes a big difference.
I would like suggest a gradual increase by an amount small enough that virtually no pain would be felt, over a period of 1 or 2 months is much better. E.g. $5 increment over a period of 30 days. Thus, it will require 6000/5=1200 increments, for the case of the 1st child in the example above. This means 30/1200 = 0.025 days or 30*24/1200 = 0.6 hours or at 36 minutes interval.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
It's getting more difficult to stay home
This blog title, Trying to stay home.... interests me. In the blogosphere, there are many moms, and specifically stay at home moms. I thought historically it is natural and right for moms to stay at home. However, this modern, or should I said twisted world ... is making it so difficult for moms to stay at home.
My wife recently mentioned to me she felt her native country Malaysia seems to be lagging behind because her Malaysia friends find it strange that why isn't she working as if she is supposed to work. Whereas here, most will envy her for being able to stay at home.
Nevertheless, staying at home doesn't mean not earning money :) Many moms in the blogosphere will agree.
However, earning money shouldn't be the focus. What's importance is our contribution to the society and world. To us, investing in the upbringing of our children is much more valuable than earning money. Unless, the job or work one does outside benefits the world and society in a greater and significant way, such as running a charity.
My wife recently mentioned to me she felt her native country Malaysia seems to be lagging behind because her Malaysia friends find it strange that why isn't she working as if she is supposed to work. Whereas here, most will envy her for being able to stay at home.
Nevertheless, staying at home doesn't mean not earning money :) Many moms in the blogosphere will agree.
However, earning money shouldn't be the focus. What's importance is our contribution to the society and world. To us, investing in the upbringing of our children is much more valuable than earning money. Unless, the job or work one does outside benefits the world and society in a greater and significant way, such as running a charity.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Approaches are different
It started from an article about youths and teens getting AIDS/HIV in Singapore last week. The author prefers safer sex message over abstinence. Then, there were three articles published in oppose to her article, all published on Monday. Next came two articles highlighting the issue in relation to business organisations, on Tuesday and Friday.
All of them concerns about AIDS/HIV. However, there are two groups being concerned here, the employees, who are typically adults, and the youths and teens. As such, I question is the approach towards employees by corporate management for the sake of business, suitable? ... when applying to the youths and teens.
Employees are adults. Thus, management won't want to influence their attitude towards their sexual life. Employees are not with the company for life. Thus, management is mainly interested in their wellbeing during the years they are serving the company. In the corporate context, the main concern is business performance. Thus, if an employee, regardless being HIV negative or not, can remain productive for the company, managment is happy.
Youths and teens are not adults. Thus, adults of this society share some responsibility in their good wellbeing and upbringing. I agree that judging others by our standard is not nice and unproductive. However, that doesn't mean that we should shunt from expressing what our standard is. I am quite sure that in general, no extra-marital sex is still the best preference by vast majority, even though many may not think that this should be the only preference.
Youths and teens will be in this society, or world whole of their life. Thus, our concern for them shouldn't be limited to when they are young, although our influence on them will be very limited when they are older. When they became adults, they will be influence the youths of their time. Thus, our concern should also not be limited by the youths of our time, but all youths at all time.
In society, we are here to live our life, and work is only a part of it. Getting married with our life partner, building a happy family, and parenting next generation are some of the other parts. Thus, being infected by HIV is not simply a health issue, but it affect many other parts of one's life.
I can understand that managment doesn't have the position and the need to promote abstinence lifestyle to their employees. Doing so has little or no business value for the company. It is also quite unlikely that employees will care about such messages as these are not job or career related.
Thus, from the perspective of management, it may be OK as long as the employee is productive during the employment with the company, and the company can manage when many of them are infected with AIDS/HIV. How getting AIDS/HIV would affect the employee life, family, future, next generation (if any) are quite out of the scope of the management.
However, youths and teens are learning and observing about this world and what is life from those who have been here longer than them. They may not like us to indoctrinate them, but they are still being influenced by adults in many ways since the society they live in have been built by us.
Thus, as adults who care about the society and its future, our concern is much more than that. We don't want just to delay their extra-marital sex behaviors until they are old enough, but we should at least mentioned that extra-marital sex is bad. We don't want just to reduce their risk by teaching safer sex, but we must clearly present the simple logic that risk avoidance is much better than risk managment.
Thus, the corporate's approach in raising awareness about AIDS/HIV among their employees should not be used when targetting youths and teens.
All of them concerns about AIDS/HIV. However, there are two groups being concerned here, the employees, who are typically adults, and the youths and teens. As such, I question is the approach towards employees by corporate management for the sake of business, suitable? ... when applying to the youths and teens.
Employees are adults. Thus, management won't want to influence their attitude towards their sexual life. Employees are not with the company for life. Thus, management is mainly interested in their wellbeing during the years they are serving the company. In the corporate context, the main concern is business performance. Thus, if an employee, regardless being HIV negative or not, can remain productive for the company, managment is happy.
Youths and teens are not adults. Thus, adults of this society share some responsibility in their good wellbeing and upbringing. I agree that judging others by our standard is not nice and unproductive. However, that doesn't mean that we should shunt from expressing what our standard is. I am quite sure that in general, no extra-marital sex is still the best preference by vast majority, even though many may not think that this should be the only preference.
Youths and teens will be in this society, or world whole of their life. Thus, our concern for them shouldn't be limited to when they are young, although our influence on them will be very limited when they are older. When they became adults, they will be influence the youths of their time. Thus, our concern should also not be limited by the youths of our time, but all youths at all time.
In society, we are here to live our life, and work is only a part of it. Getting married with our life partner, building a happy family, and parenting next generation are some of the other parts. Thus, being infected by HIV is not simply a health issue, but it affect many other parts of one's life.
I can understand that managment doesn't have the position and the need to promote abstinence lifestyle to their employees. Doing so has little or no business value for the company. It is also quite unlikely that employees will care about such messages as these are not job or career related.
Thus, from the perspective of management, it may be OK as long as the employee is productive during the employment with the company, and the company can manage when many of them are infected with AIDS/HIV. How getting AIDS/HIV would affect the employee life, family, future, next generation (if any) are quite out of the scope of the management.
However, youths and teens are learning and observing about this world and what is life from those who have been here longer than them. They may not like us to indoctrinate them, but they are still being influenced by adults in many ways since the society they live in have been built by us.
Thus, as adults who care about the society and its future, our concern is much more than that. We don't want just to delay their extra-marital sex behaviors until they are old enough, but we should at least mentioned that extra-marital sex is bad. We don't want just to reduce their risk by teaching safer sex, but we must clearly present the simple logic that risk avoidance is much better than risk managment.
Thus, the corporate's approach in raising awareness about AIDS/HIV among their employees should not be used when targetting youths and teens.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Love to do good things
I just saw an advice in a book about wisdoms of mothers of famous people. One passage title is "do not force children to do things they dislike." I didn't read the main passage, but I guess most likely it explains the cons of forcing children to do things. I would like to cast it slightly differently ... .
First of all, what are those things that adults would want to force children to do? I bet many of these are "right" things to do. However, such right things may not be likable by children. Thus, the likelihood of adults forcing them to do it. So, the above wisdom seems to suggest "relax, don't force, and lets nature takes its course."
Nevertheless, I agree that we should not "force," regardless how rightful the thing we want children to do. However, the essence is to educate and guide children to like doing right things. In this sense, forcing is not tackling the liking to do the right things, but just the external outcome of children doing it.
I should have mentioned this before, I hate to see parents "forcing" children to greet other adults when meeting other adults. This is the time to observe whether children are doing it, deducing how much they like to do it, but not the time to "educate" or force them to do it. With the observation, at later time when circumstances are suitable, then we make efforts to explain/guide/educate them to like to do it. Observe again next time round, and keep educating.
Of course, if the things we want the children do aren't that "right," e.g. playing piano, then the more we shouldn't force them.
First of all, what are those things that adults would want to force children to do? I bet many of these are "right" things to do. However, such right things may not be likable by children. Thus, the likelihood of adults forcing them to do it. So, the above wisdom seems to suggest "relax, don't force, and lets nature takes its course."
Nevertheless, I agree that we should not "force," regardless how rightful the thing we want children to do. However, the essence is to educate and guide children to like doing right things. In this sense, forcing is not tackling the liking to do the right things, but just the external outcome of children doing it.
I should have mentioned this before, I hate to see parents "forcing" children to greet other adults when meeting other adults. This is the time to observe whether children are doing it, deducing how much they like to do it, but not the time to "educate" or force them to do it. With the observation, at later time when circumstances are suitable, then we make efforts to explain/guide/educate them to like to do it. Observe again next time round, and keep educating.
Of course, if the things we want the children do aren't that "right," e.g. playing piano, then the more we shouldn't force them.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Destiny and Lineage
It has been some time since I seriously wrote something here. The ranking of this blog has been dropping :( However, I doubt I have something serious to write about now. May be I can talk about the Mas Selemat escape, but that is not too relevant to this blog. Or may be I can talk about some drama that I have been watching, such as CSI, Lost, 24 hour, etc. Ah, thought of something to write :)
Do you feel proud to be selected/recruited/employed by your current company? Would you prefer to be proud? I think it is nice to feel being valued, and being expected to be able to create more value for the company. It is nice to have a company willing to commit the costs for hiring me.
Similarly, do you feel proud to be borned into your family? ... Would you prefer to be proud? However, which family one is being borned into is out of the person's choice, unlike the case of choosing which company to send resume to. Nevertheless, we want to be proud. If already being proud, we should want to be more proud. In another words, it is our destiny to create value for our family, and to our lineage.
In this perspective, I can better appreciate the Chinese saying, 不孝有三无后为大. On looking up this phrase, I just learned that the other two are also very relevant (my own translation):
阿意曲从，陷亲不义，一不孝也； (First unfilial [non-]action: Blind obedience, not correcting parents' mistakes, and thus allowing parents ending up in dishonorable state.)
家贫亲老，不为禄仕，二不孝也； (Second unfilial [non-]action: Being poor when parents are old, yet still not working so as to take good care of them.)
不娶无子，绝先祖祀，三不孝也。 (Third unfilial [non-]action: Being unmarried [or w/o a wife], and without child [or a son], and thus discontinuing the lineage passed down from ancestors.)
三者之中无后为大。 (Among the above three unfilial [non-]actions, without descendants is the worst.)
In a way, regardless we like these or not, or we are able to achieve these or not, these and many other roles and responsibilities are our destiny.
Do you feel proud to be selected/recruited/employed by your current company? Would you prefer to be proud? I think it is nice to feel being valued, and being expected to be able to create more value for the company. It is nice to have a company willing to commit the costs for hiring me.
Similarly, do you feel proud to be borned into your family? ... Would you prefer to be proud? However, which family one is being borned into is out of the person's choice, unlike the case of choosing which company to send resume to. Nevertheless, we want to be proud. If already being proud, we should want to be more proud. In another words, it is our destiny to create value for our family, and to our lineage.
In this perspective, I can better appreciate the Chinese saying, 不孝有三无后为大. On looking up this phrase, I just learned that the other two are also very relevant (my own translation):
阿意曲从，陷亲不义，一不孝也； (First unfilial [non-]action: Blind obedience, not correcting parents' mistakes, and thus allowing parents ending up in dishonorable state.)
家贫亲老，不为禄仕，二不孝也； (Second unfilial [non-]action: Being poor when parents are old, yet still not working so as to take good care of them.)
不娶无子，绝先祖祀，三不孝也。 (Third unfilial [non-]action: Being unmarried [or w/o a wife], and without child [or a son], and thus discontinuing the lineage passed down from ancestors.)
三者之中无后为大。 (Among the above three unfilial [non-]actions, without descendants is the worst.)
In a way, regardless we like these or not, or we are able to achieve these or not, these and many other roles and responsibilities are our destiny.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
What if the lack of parent is somebody's intentional fault?
"...having a baby is definitely not something I regret too - I think it's heaven's blessing."
I am quite agree with the above statement.
However, I don't agree when ... it is coming from a single mom.
Furthermore, I am even against it as it is coming from a celebrity.
Furthermore still, I consider it a second offense as she is already a single mom of her first child, from a different dad.
If orphans who lost their parents due to unforeseeable circumstances are sympathized by us, shouldn't those who intentionally, or recklessly "create" [half-]orphans be considered criminals?
I am quite agree with the above statement.
However, I don't agree when ... it is coming from a single mom.
Furthermore, I am even against it as it is coming from a celebrity.
Furthermore still, I consider it a second offense as she is already a single mom of her first child, from a different dad.
If orphans who lost their parents due to unforeseeable circumstances are sympathized by us, shouldn't those who intentionally, or recklessly "create" [half-]orphans be considered criminals?
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Sule Lamido explains leadership
Found this said by Governor Sule Lamido of Jigawa State in the article, Nigeria: Grappling With Jigawa.
Also, conflicts are mistakes should not be covered up just for good image. These should be exposed, resolved, and usually lead to improvement of the whole. Then, this is not only truly good image, but also good substance.
I wish him success in practicing what he believes. It is not easy when the people around usually don't really think as he does.
Ideally, leadership is all about people. Therefore, when you want to conceal something from the people, that means there is something wrong with your style of leadership. Number two ...
Ideally, leadership is all about people. Therefore, when you want to conceal something from the people, that means there is something wrong with your style of leadership. Number two, to me, bring out all the necessary things to the public and they will further give you the confidence to comport yourself because of the Nigerian tradition over the years, and intentionally, leaders normally carry knowledge and shield it and they don't let you know the truth or hear it. The public is denied the truth about how their leaders are faring. And if people come and report anything about my government, no matter how impalatable, it is for me to reflect over why are we going wrong and then cut ourselves. The whole thing about leadership is not personal government.I share his views. Similar, Kingship is not about having power, but is about loving and serving people. Thus, the King of Kings must be more loving and serving than all the Kings.
Also, conflicts are mistakes should not be covered up just for good image. These should be exposed, resolved, and usually lead to improvement of the whole. Then, this is not only truly good image, but also good substance.
I wish him success in practicing what he believes. It is not easy when the people around usually don't really think as he does.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Be truthful first
There have been much emphasis on speaking positive and encouraging words to children, or anybody, rather than negative ones. Our words are either blessing or curse. Yet, some may over do it by ignoring the need to be truthful, and just say positive words that paint a false picture. Especially when the facts are, sort of, "negative". For example, what should we say to a kid who had scored badly, say 10%, in a test? ... What would you say?
Should we tell him that he hadn't done badly, and should be thankful that he still managed to scored 10%? Is this better than telling him how stupid/lazy he is that he failed badly and scored only 10%? The former is "positive" but to say he hadn't done badly is falsehood. The latter is obviously negative, but rightly state that he failed badly.
In a post a few years back, I mentioned about an article I read that stresses on the importance of consistency in raising up children. Once we started speaking words that are not true, children will notice our inconsistence, and eventually treat our words as unimportant.
Another article I read more recently talks about when parents praise their kids, they need to do it in alignment with the facts. When parents over praise their kids, like the above "positive" statement, kids will be less willing to strive harder for better results.
I think the first pre-requisite in speaking is to be truthful. Then, we choose to speak it in a positive way. In the above example, we should let the child know he has failed badly in the test. Try to substantially work with him on how can we, together, make it better next time. When a plan has been worked out, we can positively emphasize that we appreciate his willingness to want to improve. Thus, there is no falsehood, there is encouragement, and there isn't condemnation.
This is not only about kids. In general, being truthful is so much more important than speaking positively.
Should we tell him that he hadn't done badly, and should be thankful that he still managed to scored 10%? Is this better than telling him how stupid/lazy he is that he failed badly and scored only 10%? The former is "positive" but to say he hadn't done badly is falsehood. The latter is obviously negative, but rightly state that he failed badly.
In a post a few years back, I mentioned about an article I read that stresses on the importance of consistency in raising up children. Once we started speaking words that are not true, children will notice our inconsistence, and eventually treat our words as unimportant.
Another article I read more recently talks about when parents praise their kids, they need to do it in alignment with the facts. When parents over praise their kids, like the above "positive" statement, kids will be less willing to strive harder for better results.
I think the first pre-requisite in speaking is to be truthful. Then, we choose to speak it in a positive way. In the above example, we should let the child know he has failed badly in the test. Try to substantially work with him on how can we, together, make it better next time. When a plan has been worked out, we can positively emphasize that we appreciate his willingness to want to improve. Thus, there is no falsehood, there is encouragement, and there isn't condemnation.
This is not only about kids. In general, being truthful is so much more important than speaking positively.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Even the devil can cite Scripture
Shakespeare said it this way: "Even the devil can cite Scripture for his purpose."
I think it happens in this research: A function for "gay genes" after all?
Just because gay men do not have their own family to take care of, and therefore ... are available to offer more time and care for their nieces/nephews, the researchers suggested this as an evolutionary support for gay way of life.
Rather than suggesting an obvious common sense that children with more adults who, regardless of sexuality, are available to take care of them are better than those with only their own parents, the researchers seem to have preset what their conclusion should be and designed a limited research for their purpose.
Furthermore, this is done with the knowledge of many other similar failed research attempts to make such conclusion in modern societies. Instead, they argue, or rather blame and accuse that, it is due to "anti-gay biases", gay men couldn't do the same as in the selected "relatively un-westernized land", Samoa. By the same logic, I say it is because the modern societies lack "traditional, tribally-based cultures, that often have tighter-knit families," such that little support for adults, regardless of sexuality, to take care of their nieces/nephews.
It is not "anti-gay biases," but "family and marriage unfriendliness" in modern societies that we should focus on!
I think it happens in this research: A function for "gay genes" after all?
Just because gay men do not have their own family to take care of, and therefore ... are available to offer more time and care for their nieces/nephews, the researchers suggested this as an evolutionary support for gay way of life.
Rather than suggesting an obvious common sense that children with more adults who, regardless of sexuality, are available to take care of them are better than those with only their own parents, the researchers seem to have preset what their conclusion should be and designed a limited research for their purpose.
Furthermore, this is done with the knowledge of many other similar failed research attempts to make such conclusion in modern societies. Instead, they argue, or rather blame and accuse that, it is due to "anti-gay biases", gay men couldn't do the same as in the selected "relatively un-westernized land", Samoa. By the same logic, I say it is because the modern societies lack "traditional, tribally-based cultures, that often have tighter-knit families," such that little support for adults, regardless of sexuality, to take care of their nieces/nephews.
It is not "anti-gay biases," but "family and marriage unfriendliness" in modern societies that we should focus on!
Sunday, December 23, 2007
What a luxury!
To the poor ones, to have three meals daily is a luxury.
From this perspective, an article title "The luxury of being a [full-time] mother" means that career women are comparative to the poor ones.
Isn't it natural for father to be the sole bread winner of a family. The role of mother is very important but has been devalued in recent decades.
Did all these advancements in developed countries/cities make most woman became "poor" because they are stuck in the middle, between being successful in career (by sacrificing their family), and being able to have the "luxury" to be a mother.
From this perspective, an article title "The luxury of being a [full-time] mother" means that career women are comparative to the poor ones.
Isn't it natural for father to be the sole bread winner of a family. The role of mother is very important but has been devalued in recent decades.
Did all these advancements in developed countries/cities make most woman became "poor" because they are stuck in the middle, between being successful in career (by sacrificing their family), and being able to have the "luxury" to be a mother.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
The "Big" and "Small" me.
Interestingly, I posted about the "big" and "small" me only days before it happens literally.
Now, I have become "bigger."
When one's capability and willingness to expand realm of concern and responsibility, one becomes "bigger." Thus, relatively speaking, resources used on the original me is lesser, or from a third party perspective, the person has "sacrificed" the "small" me [partially] for the "big" me.
Now, I have become "bigger."
When one's capability and willingness to expand realm of concern and responsibility, one becomes "bigger." Thus, relatively speaking, resources used on the original me is lesser, or from a third party perspective, the person has "sacrificed" the "small" me [partially] for the "big" me.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Work life balance
What is the similarity between a person having 2 full-time jobs, and a family with both husband and wife working?
Are double-income families in some way sub-ideal families?
A person normally would not want to have 2 full-time jobs. He has got other things in life to attend to.
A family normally would not need double income. They have got other family needs to attend to.
If the society is to be blamed, then it would be a sub-ideal society.
Some may think that the wife is contributing to the society. Good if that's true, and after making sure that the other family needs were attended to. However, how many of the working wives are truly doing more by working then by raising up their next generations?
Are double-income families in some way sub-ideal families?
A person normally would not want to have 2 full-time jobs. He has got other things in life to attend to.
A family normally would not need double income. They have got other family needs to attend to.
If the society is to be blamed, then it would be a sub-ideal society.
Some may think that the wife is contributing to the society. Good if that's true, and after making sure that the other family needs were attended to. However, how many of the working wives are truly doing more by working then by raising up their next generations?
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Don't waste
This is interesting: A brief with the phrase: "I'm Saving It" (see here)
Yeah, don't waste!
Not only that, but also our precious time, emotional assets, invaluable purity.
Yeah, don't waste!
Not only that, but also our precious time, emotional assets, invaluable purity.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Keep 377A
Read the news yet? Usually only people, typically the minority, who are concern about their wellbeing do such things to make themselves heard. This is unusual! The media is so powerful that "the silent majority" can become the minority.
I encourage you to visit here and give them your support.
http://keep377a.com/
I encourage you to visit here and give them your support.
http://keep377a.com/
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Where should newborn sleep?
I thought everything should be natural, but there are so many issues to decide. One of them is: where should newborn sleep?
For nursing purpose, baby should sleep very near to mother, but there are risk for the small body sleeping next to adults on the same bed. Looking through the products on sale using babycenter coupons and babyage coupons, there seems to have some alternatives: Arm's Reach co-sleeper, a close and secure sleeper or may be a NightForm Infant Positioning Bed might also do.
By the way, I noticed that the price (excluding shipping) for the secure sleeper is much more expensive than what I saw 2 days ago.
There are also a whole range of products on discount using online coupons.
For nursing purpose, baby should sleep very near to mother, but there are risk for the small body sleeping next to adults on the same bed. Looking through the products on sale using babycenter coupons and babyage coupons, there seems to have some alternatives: Arm's Reach co-sleeper, a close and secure sleeper or may be a NightForm Infant Positioning Bed might also do.
By the way, I noticed that the price (excluding shipping) for the secure sleeper is much more expensive than what I saw 2 days ago.
There are also a whole range of products on discount using online coupons.
Easy = Difficult
Recently weeks there are discussions on a difficult mathematics examination paper in this year PSLE.
It seems that some questions in it were difficult.
To me, there is not much different if an easy or a difficult question is set. If it is easy, then most will probably score. If it is difficult, then most will probably not score. Overall, it doesn't really affect my score/grade. Rather, I dislike easy question because I must make the efforts to do and get it right, whereas for a difficult question, I may choose to skip it but my score for it may be the same with many who spent time doing it yet didn't get it right.
Furthermore, I am one of those [selfish ones] who when spotted a faulty question will keep quiet and move on, since eventually the teachers have to void that question. I hate it when at later times, especially near to the end of the given time, someone raise the issue and the teacher announce an correction to the question. I think that is being unfair by making correction half way through an examination.
What matters is when a question is easy or difficult only to you or a small group of students. Otherwise, no problem.
Thinking further, I suspect it was the nice but unrealistic pictures that parents/teachers have given to students that causes some of them to be annoyed by not being able to score 100% due to some out of scope difficult question. I think this is an issue that should be addressed. The over ideal system in school is harmful in terms of getting students ready for the world. People who grew up in system-less environment probably have much higher ability to adapt and excel in the real world.
It seems that some questions in it were difficult.
To me, there is not much different if an easy or a difficult question is set. If it is easy, then most will probably score. If it is difficult, then most will probably not score. Overall, it doesn't really affect my score/grade. Rather, I dislike easy question because I must make the efforts to do and get it right, whereas for a difficult question, I may choose to skip it but my score for it may be the same with many who spent time doing it yet didn't get it right.
Furthermore, I am one of those [selfish ones] who when spotted a faulty question will keep quiet and move on, since eventually the teachers have to void that question. I hate it when at later times, especially near to the end of the given time, someone raise the issue and the teacher announce an correction to the question. I think that is being unfair by making correction half way through an examination.
What matters is when a question is easy or difficult only to you or a small group of students. Otherwise, no problem.
Thinking further, I suspect it was the nice but unrealistic pictures that parents/teachers have given to students that causes some of them to be annoyed by not being able to score 100% due to some out of scope difficult question. I think this is an issue that should be addressed. The over ideal system in school is harmful in terms of getting students ready for the world. People who grew up in system-less environment probably have much higher ability to adapt and excel in the real world.
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